Final Heartz
by Yuri-The Forgotten One
Summary: When the world of entertainment collides, will the forces of good prevail over bad? Find out! The rating might be changed.
1. Prologue

_Hello! I don't know what to say and guys don't take this personally. Ok?__So here_:

**Disclaimer**:I do not own any characters that are mentioned in this Fan Fiction, except me (Yuri) unless noted. 

* * *

**Real World**

Yuri walked out from his bus and started to walk towards his friends in the back of the school. How he hated his bus-driver. She was always late and crazy! She would stop down the other end of the huge Middle School and let us walk all they way to the back door which was down at the other end.. After walking forever, he made it to his friends Paloma, Nicole, and Ricky. Paloma was tall and very funny! You could always count in her to cheer you up. Nicole was the always the artistic one. Oh how her wonderful drawings came to life! Ricky on the other hand, is always happy and loves the color green."How are you guys doing?" Yuri said.

"I am fine, but it's cold." Paloma said shivering. It was true that it was cold that day. The leaves were all ready on the grounds and Halloween was a thing of the past. Next came Thanksgiving, the wonderful time where humans consumed huge quantities of food!

"Yeah it is! I could sure use some pocky! Strawberry! Mmmm!" Nicole said, drooling on Paloma's hands.

"Ewww! Get off me Nicole! Great. Now I have drool all over me! Thanks a lot!" Paloma shrieked. Everyone laughed.

"We better get going before Mrs.Haley, the mean principle, starts shooting us with a bazooka!" Ricky joked. Everyone laughed again. They started towards the school's enterance. At of no where, a suspicous fog came and surrounded them.

"Where did this come from?" Nicole yelled to her other three lost classmates.

"I don't kn-!" Yuri said as he fell down what seemed like a bottom-less pit with the others...

* * *

**Gravitation**

It was Eiri's birthday today. After he can home from New York, Shuichi tried not to make him mad. "Happy Birthday!" Shuichi yelled. The room was full of balloons, silly string, food, and more stuff!

"Get out." Eiri said coldy pointing to the door. Eiri was still as cold as ever but Shuichi learned to get along with it.

"Why? It's your birthday!" Shuichi said cheerfully.

"I said get out!" Eiri said getting irritated every passing second.

The door bell rang. Ironiclly it rang to the tune of Happy Birthday. Eiri opened the door and Hiro stood there holding something behind his back. It was big and was unwrapped.

"Get out!" Eiri said to both Shuichi and Hiro. How he wanted to smash their heads...

"Oh! Don't be a party pooper!" Hiro said showing his gift at last. It was a huge box of beer!

"On the other thought... You two can stay." Eiri said in a calm voice trying to hide his excitment. How he wanted to hug everyone!

"I knew that would work!" Hiro said with a smirk and handed him the pack.

"Here! Eat some cake!" Shuichi said giving a piece to Eiri. It exploded in his face. He let it slide of his face before saying...

"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" Eiri said strangling Shuichi. Hiro tried to break them up.

"I knew I shouldn't have used too much flour! Gah!" Shuichi tried to pull himself free from Eiri's strong grip. White smoke came from the kitchen.

"Oh! No!" Shuichi cried. "I forgot that I left the party-hats in the oven!"

"YOU BRAT!" Eiri said tightening his grip on Shuichi. "WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT IT WAS OK TO PUT PARTY-HATS IN THE OVEN?" Ryuichi from out of no where and started to cry. Tohma gave Ryuichi a cherry to chew on and went back to eating his pop-corn, watching the dramatic scene in front of him.

"Wait a minute...Isn't that the party-hats over over there?" Hiro said pointing to the party-hats on the table.

"Then why is there smoke coming out of the kitch-" Shuichi didn't finish his sentence because the white smoke pullied him and the others into a deep hole. "Yummy, cherry!" Ryuichi yelled. Strangely, Eiri still had his grip on Shuichi's neck and Tohma was still eating his pop-corn.Some birthday party was that was...

* * *

**Final Fantasy X-2**

Yuna was so happy! She had finally found him. The dream of her life! Tidus! Yuna, Tidus, Paine, and Rikku were on a Machina that served as a boat and a party house , the fabulos invention of Rikku's. They were having so much fun dancing to "Real Emotion" by Jade. Even Paine!

"Wow! I didn't know you can build Machina, Rikku!" Tidus said.

"It's a hobby!" Rikku said swaying her body to the music.

"A hobby that might have been very logical and helpful to the GullWings." Paine said giving Rikku the evil-eye.

"Oh! Who cares! It's vacation time! Mell out Paine!" Rikku said with happiness. Everyone laughed excpet for Paine.

"The LeBlanc almost had that sphere!" Paine argued.

"But Yuna stopped the losers in their track!" Rikku replied.

"She wouldn't have to if someone had better control over there on Dress Sphere's!" Paine yelled back.

"Well I couldn't control me Dress Sphere's because someone's big butt was in the way! Man! You must've been eating beans or something!" Rikku challendged.

"Well what else can we eat, if the only thing we can eat was beans! You know what happens on Fridays in New Yevon! Every Friday, we have to eat beans for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!" Paine said. She accidently farted. Everyone laughed, even Paine. While laughing no one noticed that a huge wave appeared. It struck the Machina and pulled everyone underwater. Tidus tried to grab Yuna's hand. They touched fingers and deeply looked into each other's eyes but Tidus' hand slept and floated up towards the surface...Meanwhile Yuna, Paine, and Rikku drifted deep into the bottom.

"Don't leave me again Tidus..." Yuna cried before getting swallowed by the whirlpool at the bottom of ocean...

* * *

**Kingdom Hearts**

Sora was sore all over. After the great adventure he had excuses for being lazy. As he lied down on the beach, he stared at the beautiful sun-set. Wait? What is he doing on the beach?

"Get up you lazy bum." Kairi said in a playful way.

"Hi Kairi." Sora said in a lazy voice.

"Let's go get 'em!" Goofy said out of no where.

"Get who? Yous are so stupid!" Donald quacked after smaking Goofy with his rod. Everyone laughed.

"Sora...I have been waiting to tell you this for a long time now...Would you like to share this Paupo fruit with me?" Kairi said in a shy voice holding up the precious, yellow, star-shaped fruit up.

"YES! OH MY GAWD I WOULD DO ANYTHING! I mean... I would love to!" Sora said calmy after that emotional outburst. They were just about to break the delicate fruit in half when a Heartless appeared in the bushes.

"Hold on Kairi! Fire!" Sora said and pointed his KeyBlade at the Heartless. It dodged the fire ball and ran down the cliff. Donald, Goofy, and Sora ran after it but more Heartless appeared. They surrouned the three. Then the Heartless began to melt and pulled the three into another world...

* * *

_How do you like it so far? Don't worry! They aren't all going to die! Well maybe. See ya! And peace out!_


	2. No Clue

_Sorry for the grammer and spelling of the last chapter! I was in a rush! I hope you enjoy this chapter too!_

* * *

One by one, everyone popped in the strange place. It was like a palace, grass every where and fountains of pure water erupted in various places.. The birds chirping. the sky so blue, and Yuri picking his nose. How lovely... 

"Where the Hell are we?" Eiri said, breaking the silence. Everyone was confused, where were they exactly? Another place? Another planet? Another universe? Or maybe another dimension?

"Woah! Look! There's Eiri, Ryuichi, Tohma, Shuichi, Rikku, Paine, Yuna, Sora, Goofy, and Donald! Oh my gawd! Eiri!" Paloma screamed and went over to Eiri who just lit a ciggerate. "Ummm..."

"What do you want?"

"Hi..." Paloma said shyly.

"Hi."

"Hi..."

"Will you get out of my face?"

"Hi Eiri."

"I said hi! Now leave me alone!"

"Hi Eiri..." Paloma said before being dragged by the ear by Yuri.

"Welcome brave warriors!" said a strange lady.

"Who the hell are you and why are we here? And how do we get out of here, because these people are freaking me out!" Eiri said as he pulled the drooling Nicole off him.

"You all are here to save the world. Each and everyone of your worlds... My name is Macerena. You know, the song 'Macerena'." As Macerena said that a huge disco ball came down, laser lights poped out everywhere and a loud version of Macerena was playing. Everyone danced, even Eiri. The old lady shaked her butt and everything disappeared.

"So where are we exactly, Macerena?" Paine said and the music came on and everyone danced again.

"Please call me Laffy Taffy." Laffy Taffy said.

"Ok. Where are we?"Yuna said asked.

"You are in Fairytopia!" Laffy Taffy said as Barbie came out in a pretty pink dress. The Fairytopia song came out and everyone brought out a tutu and danced around like a ballerina.

"Hello. I am Princess Barbie." Barbie said. The song "Barbie Girl" came on and everyone sang.

"You got to stop that!" Tohma said.

"Ok." Barbie said. "We need your help to-"

"Save the worlds. Blah Blah Blah. Like I didn't hear that yet." Sora said and rolled his eyes.

"Fine! If you don't appreciate me, then I'll just go shopping in the mall!" Barbie said in a girly-girl kind of way. Ken, with his convertable, came and gave Barbie a ride. He ran over a poor puppy. "Oops! I don't brake for anything!"

"That was strange." Paine said.

"What to do now?" Tohma asked.

"Hehehehe! Nothing, as I kill you all!" Lafy Taffy yelled and then pulled out sword. "Die!" She did the Matrix and kicked Yuna into the wall.

"Damn lady! How are you so flexible at your age?" Nicole said before getting kicked right next to Yuna.

"Don't worry! I am here to save you!" Yuri said. Laffy Taffy lifted her skirt. "Ahhh! My eyes! My precious eyes! They burn!" Yuri said while covering his eyes and tripped over Yuna and fell face first into a pile of poop.

"What do we do now Sora?" Goofy said.

"I don't know! Get in there and fight!"

"What are you going to do?" Donald asked Sora.

"Hide! Duh! Now get going before I beat the crap out of you!"

"Wow! He was much nicer in the game!" Paloma said. Sora gave her the evil-eye. "Don't look at me like you know me!" Paloma said in her spanish accent.

"What? Bi-otch? Want to make something of it?" Sora said.

"Oh no you didn't!"

"Oh yes I did!"

"What ever."

"Talk to the hand because my handsome face won't listen."

"You are pretty, pretty ugly!"

"Don't make me bitch slap you!"

"Try me!"

Laffy Taffy punched Sora in the stomache and tossed him into Yuri. She also slapped Paloma for ten-minutes and then threw her into the pile of people. "Oh gawd. Stupid damn brats!" Eiri said. Eiri pushed the DO NOT PUSH OR ELSE THIS PERSON WILL EXPLODE INTO A MILLION PIECES button on Laffy Taffy's forhead. BOOM! Laffy Taffy exploded and banana flavored laffy taffy flew everywhere. All Shuichi and Tohma did was smiling and nodding while everyone was getting beat up. Rikku on the other hand was already in the castle and snooping around to find anything. She wasn't lucky. She found nothing worth value of keeping. There was a room that was lock with a huge KeyHole. "Ow! I think I broke my transversus auriculae..." Yuri said.

"Your what?" Nicoleboth Paloma said.

"Hey! Where did Rikku go?" Yuri said.

"I think I saw her going into the castle." Tohma said.

"Then let's follow her!" Yuri said. They all went into the huge castle. Everything was sparkly clean and the air smelled like roses, definately Barbie's.

"Hey you guys! Come over here and give me a hand with this lock!" Rikku said while jumping up and down. Sora took a look and then took out his KeyBlade. He pointed at it and the door opened slowly, but his KeyBlade disappered in his hands. "What the! What happened to my KeyBlade? Where did it go?" Sora said looking at Paloma and crossed his arms.

"Up your ass." Paloma replied calmly.

"Haha that's so funny. Not!"

"I know what's funny! Your face!"

"Oh! Just wait until I get my KeyBlade. I'd woop your ass!"

"Aww! A coward boy hiding behind a huge key! I am so scared!"

"This isn't time to be fighting you two." Nicole said holding on to Eiri's arm while Shuichi tried to pull her off. The door opened fully. A huge stream of light came from what ever was inside the door. "Let's go!" Rikku said. They all went in after the light dimmed down. Inside there was 13 treasure chests labled with each person's name. They got their own and opened it in unsion. Eiri got a sword; Shuichi got a twin, tiny swords; Ryuichi got a cross between a cherry and a blueberry, Tohma got nifty gloves, Yuna got a lot of ammo for her guns, Rikku got a longer twin blade, Paine got bigger sword than her own, Sora got his KeyBlade back, Goofy got a bigger, better shield; Donald got a more powerful rod; Paloma got a white staff; Nicole got a black staff; and Yuri got a KeyBlade. Everyone was happy with their items. "Now I can kill any brat that touches me." Eiri said as he looked at Nicole, who positioned herself next to Eiri. The castle violently shake. "What's going on now?" Eiri asked.

"Sorry! I had beans this morning..." Paine said.

"Ewww! That's gross!" Paloma said. Ryuichi tried to eat his item, but it was too hard. "Oh...well! I'll keep it in my pocket for now..."

"Now what do we do?" Tohma asked.

"I don't know. Let's explore this castle." Eiri said. They walked into every room. They didn't find anything interesting until the last room they checked. The room had staires that lead to the roof of the castle. On the the roof there was bird poop, a flying car built for 13 people, a shiny object, and some dirty gym socks. Everyone payed attention to the shiny object. "Oooo! Ahhh!" everyone cooed, everyone except for Yuri.

"Guys! We can use this car to go to other places!"

"The let's go!" Eiri said.

"Yeah! Road trip!" everyone yelled in unsion. Eiri just rolled his eyes and sat on the driver's seat. Everyone got into the back. There wasn't enough room for all of them so Sora stuffed Goofy and Donald into the trunk.

"Your so mean!" Paloma yelled.

"Want to join them?" Sora said.

"No! You should be more nicer!"

"You should mind your own business!"

"Well you should be kind to everyone like in the game!"

"So? I learned that being nice hurts."

"You are such a BAKA!"

"You shut-up! Or I'll make you!"

"Ha! Yeah right!"

(Pointless arguments after)

"Uh...Eiri?" Nicole said.

"What? You damn brat!" Eiri replied coldy.

"Do you even no where we are going?"

"No clue."

* * *

_Hehehehe! Road trip! I hate those...but enough about me! See ya!_


	3. He is dead

Hello! I have nothing to say except Happy Thanksgiving!

* * *

Soaring through space, at an incredible speed! Stars twinkled, planets gleamed, and the other heavenly bodies danced. It was a long journey in the car. It could have been shorter if Eiri knew where to go and if he can hear his own thoughts over the bickering in the back. "Grrr! Shut-up!" Paloma screamed. 

"Or what?" Sora yelled back.

"Or I'll shove this...this...thingy! Up your ass!" Paloma waved her white-staff. In anger, she accidently hexed Eiri. The hex flew at Eiri's head and it hit a red button. The result was astonomical! With the force of a thousand atomic bomb, the car blew up, sending it's passengers into space...

What seemed like a couple minutes later...

"Ugghhh! I don't feel so good..." Paloma said. She opened her eyes to see that she was lying on a white bed. There was a boy wearing glasses, a girl with beautiful hair, and a freckled boy with red hair staring at her. "Woah! Get away!"

"Ahh! Your finally a wake!" The boy with glasses said.

"Blimey! She's awfully cute!" The freckled one said.

"You think ever tall girl with weird looking hair, wearing glasses and black sweaters, who loves RPing, Kingdom Hearts, Gravitation, and other things are cute!" The girl said.

"Who are you?" Paloma said covering her body with the skin cell covered sheets up to her neck.

"My name is Hairy Hotter, this is Her-manly Ranger, and Bonzo Sneezley!" The boy said inching his face closer to Paloma. She could clearly see a McDonald menu scar on his forehead.

"Don't you mean Harry Potter, Hermonie Granger, and Ronald Weasley?" She asked.

"Who are they?" Her-manly said.

"I don't know." Bonzo said.

"Where is here?" Paloma asked.

"This is Snotmarts! The school for lizards and bitchary!"

"Woah! Ok... How do I get out of here?"

"You can't." Hairy said.

"Why?"

"Because you can't leave school grounds!"

"Oh! I should've seen that coming... Is there others like me here?"

"Sorry! There isn't any talls girl with weird looking hair, wearing glasses and black sweaters, who loves RPing, Kingdom Hearts, Gravitation, and other things here. Although there is those three over there." Hairy said and pointed to the other beds. There was Eiri, Yuna, and Donald eating something between slime and poop. There face was filled with disgust.

"Ok...!"Paloma said. There was a loud noise the appeared to come from outside.

"Oh! No...!" Her-manly screamed. "Boar Soily-shorts is here!"

"Umm... Lord Voldemort?" Paloma questioned.

"No! Boar Soily-shorts!"

"Ok..." There was another loud crash outside and a crack thundered through the air. One wall broke and there stood a fat, bald, pig with yellowish-brown shorts.

"What the?" Eiri said from his bowl.

"You know... these shorts were white this morning..." said the pig.

"Ewww!" Yuna screamed as she pulled her face out of her bowl of slime. The slime covered her face.

"Run! It's Boar Soily-shorts!" Everyone yelled in unsion.

"Hahaha! You can't escape!" Boar Soily-shorts said and waved his wand at the only possible escape, Eiri's ass.

"Noo...!" Her-manly screamed as she pulled her head from Eiri's ass, which he didn't care because he had his face in his bowl of yucky slime.

"Yes!"

"Nooo!"

"Yes!"

"Nooooo!"

"Yes!"

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" Her-manly screamed and drank some squash juice before screaming,"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"Yes! Efinity times!"

"No! Efinity times and beyond!"

"Grrr! You won this time, but be warned! I will come back!"

"Don't think so!" Donald managed to quack from his own bowl. He picked up his rod and yelled," Firaga!" Boar Soily-shorts was instantly fried.

"Bacon anyone?" Hairy Hotter asked.

"Are you guys still eating that?" Her-manly asked.

"Yes! It taste so good!" Eiri, Donald, and Yuna said from there bowls.

"I thought you guys said that it tasted bad!" Bonzo asked before sneezing.

"GAFgfa fad dsadfasdfew!" They cried and ate some more.

"Finally! Someone appreciaties my belly-button lint!" Her-manly exclaimed.

"What? This slime thingy is your lint?"

"Yep! It's fresh! Why, I pulled it out this morning!"

Some gross sounds that are to sickening to describe later...

"So I guess your staying here!" Bonzo said.

"Do we have to?" Paloma cried.

"Yep!"

"Isn't there any way to go back to our other friends?"

"There is one spell! Retemitnec Eno!" There was loud sound that sounded like someone has bad gas problem and Paloma disappeared. She reappered back into the room but one centimeter away where she was before. "Oh! Wow! That was a big difference!" Paloma said.

"It sure was!" Bonzo said and sneezed. Mean while...

* * *

"Where are we?" Nicole managed to say. She couldn't see anything at all. All she knew was that she was on a cold floor in a cold, dark room. 

"I-I don't know..." Tohma said. He sounded like he was in pain.

"Who else is here?" Nicole asked to the darkness.

"Let's go get em!"

"Okay...Goofy's here and Tohma. Anyone else."

"I will kill you all if you don't SHUT-UP!"

"And Paine. Any others?" Nicole asked again. There was silence. The lights suddenly turned on. The room had no windows, a bathtub, toilet, and a television screen. A face popped up on the screen. A person wearing a mask said, "Hello. I am JigSaw. You are in here because...because...umm...I like cheese! The only way out is to find the key, blah, blah, blah! Good-bye."

"We are in here because JigSaw likes cheese. That's not a good reason is it?" Tohma asked.

"Nope not really..." Nicole answered. "Usually, we are gonna have to disemble out body parts to get out. Or someone has to die."

"You know this because..."

"There was two movies about this."

"Oh!"

"Let's go get em!"

"WILL YOU SHUT-UP!" Paine screamed and got up. "Can we cut him up first?" Both Tohma and Nicole nodded. Paine began to cut Goofy into small pieces. "Yeah!" Goofy yelled and then he died.

"Nope!" No key in him, but no more random noises because he is dead." Paine said.

* * *

_Wah! Goffy died! Wait! It's all my fault! ToT_


	4. Oh my god

_Read. I am so bored!

* * *

_

**Dark Room**

_"God... this place is so weird. I believe that no one wonts to give up there life because life is precious. I certantly don't want to indulge in such a dispeakable manner... unless it's for the greater good. Dear Tohma, if you only knew that I would sacrifice my life so that you can keep yours. Now I shall lay here, where ever here is, and think carefully of a way to get out without anything having to do with death. Let's see... what are my options? There is a door. A door that will not budge. A door that not even Paine can smash. My staff, I can not enter the dark realms of the shadows. It might backfire or destroy me or anyone else. Too dangerous to try. Tohma on the other hand, had be chosen to be given the gloves. They look pretty cool to me. But what if it had some deep meanings? Like sort of a special power... maybe I should ask him later... he looks like he too is thinking over there. Oh! He looks so determined and serious on that toilet... or maybe he is just taking a dump... Wonder if the toilet still works. Wait! Did I see something gleamed? Yes! I see it now! There! In the toilet roll! I must get it..._

_Gosh the floor is dirty, like it was never clean before..._

_Is Paine sleeping? Wow... I never thought she would be able to sleep in a time of need such as this..._

_I managed to get what looked like another tape, but this one is all metallic. I'll pop it in and see if there is anything..._

_JigSaw makes me want topuke. How that unrightoues person can be called a human being! Ok... calm down Nicole...breath...ok... JigSaw said that if we want to live and still get out, we would have to look for something that is describe in this poem:_

_I am never alone._

_I always have a partner._

_I am nice and cozy,_

_and prevents frost bite._

_I also might be used for another purpose..._

_like changing when touching..._

_What could it be? I keep asking that but I have no clue. Yes, I am a little frightened but I have Tohma to protect me.Tohma! That's it! His gloves! How can I be so stupid? I got to tell him..._

_How cute is he when he smiles...He hugged me! How wonderful! Now another question popped up. How will the gloves help us? There must be a way! Think...gloves. Maybe I had thought of something already...special powers...maybe...maybe there is something in the poem...What does the last to lines mean? I also might be used for another purpose... like changing when touching... changing when touching...maybe it changes when it touches something? Maybe... I should ask him..._

_It worked! Unbelieveable! I had just witness something so amazing! Those gloves! There are able to turn into anything you want, but you have to touch the material first! No wonder the tape was metallic! Tohma made his gloves turn into a key! It worked! The door is now ajar in front of us! Free at last!_

_How I am deeply depressed...we are not free. JigSaw had indeed lied...Nothing lies beyond but a huge factory, or so it seems...Maybe there is another way out... We shouldn't seperate. Not when there could be JigSaw... Gosh this place is huge! Doors and rooms, there everywhere! Machinary and all types of things lie in the dark shadows of the factory...Ha! Why do I care..._

_Dark room..._

_another..._

_locked room..._

_Hey! Where did Tohma go? Oh! There he is down at the other end..._

_There is something different about this particuler door. I can't tell what it is, but it's different...I wonder what's inside... Ha! A dark room... Holy shit! The door slammed! Oh God! It won't budge! Shit! Now I am stuck in here! I hope Tohma or Paine can here the door slam! Come on..._

_Where could they be?_

_How long will I stay in here?_

_God damn it! Someone please come..._

_Is there someone in here? It sounds there is someone breathing in this very room! I know it's not me! Don't worry... breath in...breath out...Tohma will come...I'm sure of it...He'll barge right in any second now..._

_any time now..._

_yup! Anytime..._

_right...now..._

_...now?..._

_Tohma! Please save me!_

_Is someone touching me? Oh god! Someone is touching me! Oh my God!"

* * *

_

**Snotmarts**

The headmaster, All-bum Dumbo-more, had made Eiri, Yuna, and Paloma students while Donald had become the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor due to the last Defense Against the Dark Arts professor (which had a really bad gas problem which we should not go into details) early leave. They were sorted into groups by the magical Sorting Bucket of Dirtyness. Oddly the all sorted into the same house, Gryffindor. "Finally! Something in this weird place is correct for once!" Paloma said as she waved her magical wand. Due to "everything is magical", Eiri and Yuna had to give up there weapons and got new wands.

"Aren't I a little too old to go to school?" Eiri said.

"No one is too old! Now go to your class!" All-bum Dumbo-more said.

"Sheesh! Fine we will!" Paloma said and walked toward there next class, which was Herbology.

"Welcome students! We are gathered here today to replant some PhuFu's! Put on your gloves everyone! Alright now. Just take them out, wash them, and replant them in the bigger pots over there." The professor said and pointed at the pots on the table. Everyone was assigned to groups of three and had there gloves on.

"Ok... Let's do it! Yuna, you wash the Doo-doo or what ever, and Eiri you will be getting the pot and replanting ok? I will take the Moo-moo out." Paloma said in a bossy tone. She grabbed the the little leaves and pulled until the PhuFu came out. It looked like a Pikachu, except it was all dirty. "Awww...! It's so cute!"

"Please! Get out of here! These people are mad! They shoved me in here with Ash!" The PhuFu said.

"What's your name?" Yuna said and made a baby face.

"Pikachu! Now run before you get captured!"

"Woah! You can talk?" Paloma said.

"Duh!"

"But I thought Pokemon can't talk!"

"Well your stupid then!"

"Tell us how you got here!"

"Well...Me and Ash wanted to get high but we ran out of pot. We went out and saw this old lady that had a warning sign. Ash, being the dumb ass that he is, didn't read the sign that clearly said: DANGER! DO NOT ASK THIS OLD CRAZY LADY FOR ANY POT!. He asked her is he could have some pot. She smiled and said 'Bibbity bobbity boo'! Then we found ourselves here, in this flower pot."

"Where is Ash now?"

"Still in the pot but he is dead. He had to live on my poop. So sad...So get out of here before it's too late!"

"One problem, WE CAN'T!"

"Then may the force be with you!"

"What? Ok...weirdo! Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Are you a boy or girl?"

"He-she."

"Ok..."

"Paloma! Wake-up!

"I am awake Pikachu!"

"Paloma!"

"I am right here! Can't you see my eyes are open?"

There was a smack. Paloma opened her eyes. "What? What is going on?"

"You had a dream dumb ass!" Eiri replied.

"Ok... Where are we?"

"Hogwarts."

"Oh my God..."


	5. Nooo!

_Here is me! Yeah! You guys don't even know me... ToT Just let you know, this chapter is longer! And there wouldn't be any world swapping either. Also, you can refer this as the Seventh year in the Harry Potter series.

* * *

_

**Hogwarts**

"So we are at Hogwarts. Right?" Paloma asked.

"Yes." Eiri replied coldly.

"Positive?"

"Yes for the uptenth time! Stop asking me!"

"Eiri..."

"Yes?"

"Can I ask one more thing?"

"WHY ARE WE IN LINE WAITING TO BE SORTED?"

"Because 'Professor' McGonagall thought it was 'a highly recommended procedure in searching for your friends' "

"Oh... Yeah! It's my turn!" Paloma screeched. She sat impatiently on the stool.

"Isn't she a little to old to be sorted?" Harry whispered to Hermione. Hermione just shrugged. The ceiling was showing a clear blue sky, just like outside. The clouds danced around without a care in the world.

"Hey! I heard that! Watch it buddy. I can do magic!" Paloma threatened and wave her newly obtained wand (got switched with her white staff). Instead of making everyone quiver in shock, the wand made the stool rust and began to crack under Paloma's gluteus maximus and shattered into splinters. "Waah...I got a moo-boo!"

Everyone roared in laughter. She wiped her tears and rubbed her fanny. She wouldn't give up so easily without a fight.. "Haha! You think it's funny? Huh? Watch this!"

Paloma pointed her wand at the stool and said, "Reparo" The 1000 century old stool was now a new armchair. "Ha!" One of the first year ran out crying.

"Please be seated young lady!" Professor McGonagall yelled. Paloma quickly rested on her new armchair and waited to be sorted into one of the four Houses. Professor McGonagall placed the Sorting Hat, whihc was a little dusty and had some dandruff from all those previous students who wore it before, on Paloma's messy hair.

"Ahhh! Paloma...yes...mmmm...oooooo!" the Sorting Hat cooed.

"Are you having an orgasm?" Paloma said in disgust.

"No! Hmm...Gryffindor!"

"Oh. Great..." Ron whispered to Hermione. Hermione shrugged again impaitiently and kept her eyes on the her new friend-to-be.

"I heard that too! You don't want me to mess you up, boy! Me and my girls will do our _thang_!" Paloma yelled and walked by Ron. She smacked his head and continue to walk as if she didn't do anything wrong. She sat at the far end of the table and knocked on the wooden table.

"Ooooo! Is this real cherry wood? Oh no! I left my folder up there!"

It was now Eiri's turn. He stood there and lit a cigarette, waiting for the dumb hat to be placed on his head.

"Please! We don't tolerate any drugs in this school." Professor McGonagall sad and waved her wand. Instantly the cigarettes disappeared from Eiri's mouth, pocket, shoe, and you name it. Paloma thought she heard someone cry from the front of the room, but was too busy examining the table and chewing newly found gum (already been used, sad to say...). Eiri sat on the chair with comfort and waited. Once again the Professor placed the hat upon Eiri's head.

"I better not get any lice..." Eiri threatened.

"Hmmm...very difficult...Eiri...yes...Slytherin!"

"Muhahahahahaha!" The Slytherins laughed. The continued there manical laughter for a couple of minutes and almost died from coughing at the end.

"Yeah...don't do that ever again." Eiri said stiffly. Every Slytherin nodded, scared that they were going to smashed into pieces. Another first year burst through the door crying.

"Yeah! My turn!" Yuna screeched. She ran toward the crimson armchair, but before she made it, she had tripped on the carpet.

Paloma stood up in slow-motion and said, "Yes!"

As Yuna was falling, she said in a deep slow-motion voice, "Noo!"

"Yes!" Paloma did a slow-motion nod and gave a big grin.

"Nooo!" Replied Yuna, also in slow-motion.

"Yes!"

"Nooo!"

"Yes!"

"Noo!"

"This is ridiculous!" Eiri yelled and in real time, walked up to the front of the long room and shoved Yuna's head into Paloma's Mysterious Folder of Lost Thangs that she accidently left. The foldr instantly swallowed Yuna and just like that, she was gone. (A/N: Paloma's Mysterious Folder of Lost Thangs is a magical folder and yet is actually quite true. My friend, Paloma has it duh and once you put something into it, you can never get it back).

"Well, guess that's that. Off to your houses, all of you!" The Professor yelled.

"But who will be our new head-master?" Harry burst. He tried so hard over the summer not to think about his head-master, who previously died.

"You mean head-misstress. She will reveal herself in good time. Now get to bed!" Paloma sat all alone on the bench. She had no friends, and she was alone. Eiri already went and didn't even notice her. Luckly, Hermione ran up to the sad-faced Paloma.

"Hello! My name is Hermione Granger. Please to meet you! Would you umm...be my friend?"

"Hi. My name is _Paloma_! Sure I would love to be your friend!" She said in her spanish accent.

"Yeah! I am so delighted!" Hermione yelled and jumped up and down. Harry and Ron had came up to them now. They were oddly smiling.

"Hi man name is-"

"-Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley." Paloma finished for Harry.

"Are you good with divintation?" Ron asked with a surprise tone.

"Guess we should hurry to our house right?"

"Umm yeah..." Harry replied. The four walked up the magical staircases that moved from hear to there. The portraitssaid good night to them all and got ready for bed themselves. Each and everyone of the paintings were vibrant with color and had different styles of art work. One with oil, another with black and white. All of them uniqe in one way. After walking up the stairs for what seemed like forever to Paloma, the came to a painting of a fat old lady with a pink dress. As usual, she asked for the password and moved out of the way to reveal and opening that was already filled with Gryffindors that were going to bed. Paloma examined the paintong of the big, fat lady and saw a stick figure dancing to what seemed like the Macerena.

"His name is BOB which stand for Big Old Bastard." The fat old lady said with annoyance. Paloma just shrugged and walked into the common room. The fire place was begginging to dimmer. Everything was so quite. Not even a Crookshanks had made a noised. Paloma let out a fart that was so smelly that she had to run up stairs to stop crying. She opened the door to the girl's room and quitely walked in. She sneaked onto her bed and changed her clothes into pajamas. She rest her head on the wonderful fluffy pillow. Everything, quite. She thought she felt hot tears come down her cheeks. How she missed her family and friends... She cried herself to sleep and was awoken by a loud noise.

"Attention! All students report to the Grand Hall idmediatly!" A loud voice boomed. All the students were wide awake by now and was trotting down the stairs into the Grand Hall and stood like zombies, from lack of sleep.

"We welcome our new head-misstress! Professor O'Niell!" The old lady walked in with her cart, a cart that was once used to hit unaware students. She strolled by Paloma and whispered," Nice to see you again. I've been waiting to give you a F- all this time. Muhahahahaha!"

"Nooo!" Was all Paloma said.

* * *

_Mrs. O'Niell was our writing teacher. She is so mean, it's scary! Bye for now!_


	6. Fight For Your Life

_Hello! So... ummm...I like eggs!_

**Hogwarts**

Paloma, standing and not moving a muscle. Wasn't Porfessor McGonagall suppose to be the head-mistress? Wasn't Hogwarts suppose to close becasue of Dumbledore's death and the return of the most evil wizard ever known to the wizarding world? So many questions, and yet there was no time. Paloma will ask Harry what will and had happened over the summer, but right now would not be the best time. Mrs. O'Niell was laughing manically as she rammed into the first years.

The next morning, Paloma woke up with an empty stomache. She had not eaten i quite a while. She got dressed and joined the others wo were already sitting at the long table. All sorts of food was prepared and laid all over the tables. "Good morning!" Hermione said happily. "Professor O'Niell told me to give you this." Hermione held out a parchment and gave it to Paloma. It read:

Dear Paloma,

I hate you.

Your evil teacher,

Professor O'Niell

"Like I didn't know that already!" Paloma screamed and shredded the parchement. "Harry, What happened over the summer? Weren't you suppose to go to the Dursley's? And then Grodric's Hollow? Then hunt for the remainder Horcuxes?" Paloma asked.

"How did yo-? Oh nevermind. Anyways, I did. I'll tell you later, we have classes now." Harry said and the four walked all the way to potions class. There stood Professor Slughorn, as proud as ever. He didn't seem to happy but had a grin on his face. He wore a lavendar cloak with yellow and white stars. They changed colors when he moved. Surrounding them, there were cauldrons brewing with the most uniqe smell and color Paloma had ever seen.

"Hello class. Harry m' boy! Please sit down! Can anyone tell me what this potion is called?" Slugorn questioned the class and pointed to the red cauldron in front of his desk. It was boiling but none of it's green slime spilled out of the cauldron. There was a green vapor emitting from the oozey potion. "Yes Miss Granger?"

"It's-Dracaliz! It's-a-potion-that-turns-the-drinker-into-a-dragon-that-represents-their-soul." Hermione said in a rush.

"Correct, five points for Gryffindor. As usual, I am going to start off with a contest. Who ever can make the potion on page 39 i their new book, or closes, will recieve **two** bottles worth of Dracaliz." Professor Slughorn said cheerfully amd ventured off into his office. Paloma opened her book to page 39, which she had been given by Professor Slughorn, and read the intructions to make a invisiblity potion called "Elbasivin".

Mean while...

_**Another Dark Room**_

Nicole squirmed to get away from the mysterious hand.

"Can you hear me now?"

She almost flipped when that stupid guy who is always saying that stupid phrase turn on the lights.

"Good."

"Give me that cell-phone!"

"Can you hear me now?" He said and moved one nano-inch away from where he was previously standing.

"Are you freacking mental?

"Good."

"Hello? We need to get out of here! There's a serial killer out there! I need your cell-phone!"

"Can you hear m-"

Nicole had punched the yaoi baka into the wall and grabbed her one way ticket out of this dump. She pressed in a bunch of numbers and listened for the other line to pick up.

...RING...

...RING...

...RING...

...RING...

"Hello. You have reached Jigsaw. If you wish to die, leave a message after the beep. If you do not want to die, then press "1" to view your options."

BEEP!

"At any time you may dial your option. Your are options are:

1) Wait until this cell-phone explode.

2) Kill yourself with a knife inside this cell-phone.

3) Run and pray you will die instantly.

Press the star key to go over these options again."

The cell-phone exploded, but Nicole wasn't holding on to it, instead she tied it to the locked door-knob.

BANG!

The door was instantly unlocked, Nee-chan style (Nicole). She wuickly grabbed the door and burst right through the door. She kissed him. Nicole had kissed Tohma. He tried to get in. When Nicole opened the door, he happened to go in. There lips met.

"Nicole. I'm so happry to see you. Although, I bring terrifyinh news, I am now cheating on my wife, and secondly, Paine was killed when she fell down on her sword. We have to get out of here!" Tohma said in a burst of energy.

"What the hell do you think i've been trying to do for the past couple of hours?"

"Actually, it's only been 15 minutes."

"Who gives a shit?"

"Let's stop cussing and start running!"

They ran through the empty hallways and rooms while holding hands. They managed to see a door that was marked with an exit sign, could this be a booby-trap? Or was Jigsaw trying to use reverse psychology and trick them into think about thinking that they were thinking that Jigsaw was thinking to make them think of thinking about thinking about the door. But the door was down the hallway, which looked very far away. Just then, the two of them heard a loud bang of a door. There was no one but them, a dead Paine, the weird cell-phone guy, and possibly, Jigsaw him/herself.

Nightmare becomes reality when the familar mask of Jigsaw walk towards the lovely couple. Nicole and Tohma sprinted towards the door, and Tohma tripped Nicole.

"Tohma! Save me!" Nicole screamed as she got up.

"Better you then me sweetie!" Tohma said while running towards the door.

"You FUCKING BITCH! AND TO THINK THAT I ACTUALLY KISSED YOU!" Nicole screamed. "Can you wait? I got to kill someone first."

"Sure, and while your killing things, kill yourself for me!" The Jigsaw replied.

"Ok!" Nicole said and ran after Tohma with her staff. "Oh Tohma! Honey! Come here! DID YOU FORGET YOUR ANNIVERSARY PRESENT?"

"Not really." Tohma said and sprinted faster, he was so close to the exit now.

Nicole had finally kept the pace and was neck to neck with Tohma. She pointed the staff at Tohma and said some weird words. Then she quickly pointed the curse at Jigsaw and s/he did the Matrix thing.

"YOU LYING PIECE OF WHITE TRASH!" Jigsaw screamed and threw a knife at Tohma. Tohma felt the pain and stumbled with Jigsaw catching up.

"Go on Nicole! Forget about me!"

"No! We are almost there!" Nicole said and picked up Tohma, even when he tried to get her killed. She dragged him with Jigsaw in hot pursuit. She touched the door-knob and twisted it open. By the Jigsay was so close, that you could see the white of his/her eyes. Nee-chan opened the door in a hurry and looked back. There was Jigsaw catching up. There was Tohma, bleeding all over her favorite shirt. And there she was. Standing there. Jigsaw grabbed for Nee-chan but Tohma pushed her through the door.

"Good-bye...Nicole..." Tohma said and the door closed on her. She could hear the screams of Tohma, and cried. She looked around to see where she was. And was surpised to see her best friend, Paloma.

"Nicole! You look horrible!"

"I know."

"It looks like you were doing something..."

"Oh really?"

"Looks like you were fighting for your life or something..."


	7. Shutup

_Sup sup? Yo! Shizzle my girrizels! Yo! Sup dogs? (_Me trying to act cool)

* * *

**Hogwarts**

It took several long months to get Nicole from crying, but it didn't take even one day for her to master even the mostadvanced types of magic. The one person who could barely compete with her was Hermione, which was a little jealous that all the boys seem to be more attracted to Nicole than her. The air was filled with the Christmas joy as the school decorated every inch of the castle. Almost every hallway had mistletoes or two hanging, but Nicole was thankful that Harry had shown her some of the secret passages she used to get around the (a little too much) hopeful boys that awaited her to walk down the halls. Nicole just sighed and thought it was just there hormones.

She walked through one of the secret passages on the Seventh Floor to get to her Ancient Runes class, which she dreaded, and happened to stumble upon a what seemed to be a mirror. It was silver plated and indeed polished into perfection. It almost seemed new, as if someone might have dropped it by accident. As she picked it up and held it toward a dusty window, she managed so see the letter "R" in engraved on the handle. On the back was a beautiful carved bird the resmebled a cross between a eagle and a hawk. She automatically placed it in her bad full of editions of every wizardry book she could get her hands on. She would inspect the mirror later, as for now, she was to have an exam on translating ancient forms of writing.

Paloma on the other hand was having a total blast making out with a couple of the students. She did not know that the boys were willingly kissing her or was it the magic of the enchanted mistetoes, either way she was in a win-win sitiuation. A kiss here, a kiss there, she moved through the halls in search for some guys to share affection (and germs), although she was suppose to be in the dungeon. All day, she was sure that Ron wanted to kiss her, but didn't want everyone to know. She didn't care, she also had a crush on him, and hoped that he would ask her to go to the dance with her. She had already rejected four-hundred and thirty-seven boys from all ages and religon. She continued in a leisurely pace down the all most empty hall and searched for a quiker root to go down to the dungeon.

Eiri Yuki was no where to seen, after the first few months, he dissappered without a trace. Some of the students made up rumors that Eiri had lost his mind and went in search for a single cigarette. However, all lies and tales have to form from a truth, and the proof was that Eiri had indeed indulged in searching for a cancer stick. Although, had not lost his mind or dissappeared, but lost his virginity with a number of "civilian(s)" (don't ask how many). He wandered through the school, looking at various things and enjoyed not having Shuichi around to pesture him. Professor O'Niell suggested (more like forced if you ask me) that he continued writing some love novels that include her as the main character. Eiri almost gagged at the thought of a old, wrinkly main charater who would probally die at any minute with a cold and evil heart. He almost flipped head over heels as he found a computer in one of the Muggle Studies classrooms but was disappointed when the computer failed to turn on and that there were no outlets to plug it in, so he trotted through the halls cursing and yelling at any unlucky student he passed.

Donald Duck was the most unfortunate of all four. He had recently turned into a real duck for the rest of his life when he argued with Professor O'Neil that making students write long and boring essays (that were 83713808478023784783748172384701837 pages long and I mean back and front) was a bad way to teach them how to write, and was accidently made into duck soup when Kreature attacked him. One of the students complained during dinner one night that his he broke his tooth after biting on a pendant that belonged to Donald. No one really wanted him to die, and that was because Professor O'niell was to be his replacement in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Guess what the students had to do during her classes? They had to (in Harry's disgust) write essays about how pretty she was and how nice she was to the young wizards and witches.

After a long day of classes, everyone was to tired and in pain from the writer's cramp, that no one bothered to talk. All the students were to go to bed at seven, thankes to Professor Grouch, and were punished severely if caught after hours without a teacher's permission. Nicole, being her brave self, had sneaked out of her bed and slowly walked down the stairs that connected to the common room of the Slytherin Dungeon and avoided making any sound. She clutched the mirror in her right hand and opened a secret passage that linked the common room with the private girl's bathroom that not a single living soul knew about (I said 'living' soul, so ghosts don't count). She walked up slowly and whispered a spell that made some sort of barrier in the bathroom that would keep out any intruders, live or dead, and kept in and sounds that might be produced.

She underess herself and turned the water on. Assortment of colours burst through the pipes and made a dazzling display that made bubbles in the huge pool. She got in slowly and relaxed every muscle in her body as the warm water jets relieved her of and discomfort. Then she began to search for the mirror that she placed near the pool and found that the mirror did not clog up with steam, but instead almost immited coldness from the polished surface. She stared at it, and it seemed to stare at her. She wondered why she was so hypnotised by it, almost lost her concious as the warm water made her drowsy. She, in turn, accidently slipped the mirror into the depths of the pool and had to use a spell to retrieve it. She did not need to use her wand or words, she had mastered the ability to use spells mentally and with little effort she had drawn the mirror into her hands.

It was not covered with water but with a tiny layer of ice covered the mirror. Nicole watched in amazement as the words, "Hello. My name is Tom Riddle." appeared like as if someone drew them on to the mirror with fingers. She awed in amazement as it began to form ice as though indicateing that you can write as many times as you pleased and Nicole made a mental vow never to speak of this to anyone.

She wrote back onto the mirror, "Hi. My name is Nicole."

It simply replied by writing, "Want to see something exciting?"

"Sure"

"Ok." At those writen words, a marvelous engulfed Nicole and her cloths and she vanished into thin air, as of she never existed. Darkness like she never felt before surrounded her. She could not breathe, nor move. She started panicing but she could not of cried. No sound or light could be heard or seen. All of her senses were clouded as a shadow would on the ground. Her mind began to race and she felt like she was going to regergitate. She tried despertly to swallow some air, but she felt that she was in a dark empty vacuum. At the moment that she felt that she was going to die, the magic that had brought her where she was now, released her of it's grasp. Her eyes were closed so tight, and she was gasping for breathe. As she regained back her strength to life up her body off of what seemed to be a cold yet smooth floor and opened her eyes to see this shadowed figure standing in front of her.

"You'll get use to it."

"Shut-up."

* * *

_Was that long enough guys? And gals?_


End file.
